Checking back in

My last post was just over three months ago.  During this time a few things have happened.  Right at the height of my weight loss and overall physical improvement, I fell into some mild to moderate depression and found myself crashing back to the usual sources of comfort--junk food, tv, and a cozy bed.  I gained 6 pounds in three weeks, and was back up to 181.

Once I finally decided to get back on track, I found myself feeling much like I did in January, that everything I wanted to accomplish was impossible.  I was starting back at square one.  It took me weeks to move from eating well to going to the gym, and once I did, it seemed as though my body had forgotten what I had worked towards those few months ago.  I was wobbly, and awkward, and sore, and tired.  It didn't take long for me to realize that I wasn't really the same woman I was in January.  Those months of exercise were still in me, and after a few weeks, I was greatly improved.

This past week has been my best yet.  I worked out five times (as apposed to the Saturday/Sunday only routine).  I ate delicious salads every day for lunch.  And today when I stepped back on the scale, I found a body that was...exactly the same as it was last week.  In fact, between the scale, the measuring tape, and trying on clothes last night, my body hasn't changed at all during this period of success.  I've re-lost a total of 4 pounds, and as try as I might, I can't seem to push through the final two.

So today I ask, "What can I do to move forward?"  I think that somehow I've found myself feeling the opposite of what I was feeling a year or so ago.  It used to be that eating right was easy and exercising was hard.  Now I know that exercise is easy and eating right is hard.  I may think that I'm eating healthy, but there are other factors to consider--sodium levels, diet coke intake, hidden steps that go into processed, "healthy" food.  A few chips as I make dinner might be what I want right now, but won't do me any favors in the long run.

Today I've decided to start something new.  Before I prepare something to eat, I want to ask myself, "am I hungry, or am I just thirsty?" and, "am I making the right choice by eating this?"  If not, I want to know what is driving me towards this choice, and what I can do to either eliminate it, or reduce it's affect on my body.

Let's see if that works.  If this remains stagnant for a few weeks, I may need to consider checking in with a doctor to see what else might be at work here.  Isaac's convinced that it just takes time.  I'm tired of giving it time.  I'm creeping up to one year at this NYR, and I want to feel like a different person than I was last year.