It's finally happened!

 That's right everyone, I've reached my very first weight loss goal.  In the last 4.5 months, I have lost 15 lbs., taking my weight from about 190 to 175.  I'm finally at the weight that I feel comfortable in.  At this weight, I feel way more like me.  From here on out, it's real weight loss.  I haven't been below 175 since 2009, so I can't wait for the coming weeks.

So far, that 15 lbs. represents 8.5 inches lost overall.  It's been small increments of both pounds and inches, but it is in moments like this one that makes the tortured waiting seem worth while.  At this rate it will take about 8 months to reach my overall goal of 150lbs.  Isaac mentioned that it doesn't have to take that long if I work more at it (today was the first day in a week that I've gone to the gym).  I think that's true, and I think I will have spurts of hard work coming up, but as usual, I don't want to start with something I can't handle.  If I take 8 more months I will have completed my goal in about a year, and maybe that's okay.

And then life happened

This week, my journey has taken an unfortunate turn. While I exercised vigorously on Sunday and Monday, I didn't get to the gym again until this morning. That means that I took 4 days off, which is supposed to be a big no-no. Rather than getting angry at myself, I want to dig deeper and understand what happened.

Work

My first and most obvious answer here is that I had to work extra hours almost every night this week. I started a new project this week. If you're wondering, it's an evaluation of HIV/AIDS funding streams in South Africa. I thought that this new project would be a small intro into evaluations (something that my firm specializes in, but I have never worked on). I was convinced it would be easy and perhaps even fun-an interesting challenge. Unfortunately it is becoming very clear that I was wrong. My work load is getting much bigger than I thought. My other 7 projects are also in a critical stage and it's looking like the coming weeks are going to be a bit hellish.

Stress

The other element here, that coincides with work is stress. I have been feeling particularly stressed out with this new project. I didn't want to make it a header, but it's also that time of the month, so I'm particularly sensitive to stress and other emotional factors. On Wednesday I actually had my workout clothes on, but simply couldn't get past the first 5 minutes of my workout video. I just felt exhausted. My mind was racing and my body wasn't getting it like it was last time.

I allowed myself to take the break from the workout if I did some research into stress and stress management.

Stress can do some pretty harmful things to our bodies. According to the Mayo Clinic, " Stress that's left unchecked can contribute to health problems such as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity and diabetes." Check out the article I found that from, it has an interesting table that shows the different areas stress can affect: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress-symptoms/SR00008_D.

Additionally, stress is linked to cortisol production in the body, cortisol is a hormone that causes your blood pressure and blood sugar levels to increase. It also causes a buildup of unhealthy fat around the abdomen because it blocks insulin from breaking that down.

Basically stress is a bigger problem than many of us might realize. I just keep thinking back to Friday, as my heart rate was up high, my mood was down quite low, and I felt like there was no way for me to finish work before 5:00. Time and time again I've had the debilitating feeling, that weight that pulls me down, makes me slow and very stressed. Of course my next question is-how do I stop or at least manage these stresses?

Stress Relief

One site, I think it was ivillage, suggested that because stress is linked to weight gain, it is good to meditate and practice relaxation exercises for at least ten minutes each day at work.

The Mayo Clinic suggests a few relaxation techniques that are quite similar to meditation. Here's a few that might be doable:

• Autogenic relaxation. Autogenic means something that comes from within you. In this relaxation technique, you use both visual imagery and body awareness to reduce stress. You repeat words or suggestions in your mind to relax and reduce muscle tension. For example, you may imagine a peaceful setting and then focus on controlled, relaxing breathing, slowing your heart rate, or feeling different physical sensations, such as relaxing each arm or leg one by one.

• Visualization. In this relaxation technique, you form mental images to take a visual journey to a peaceful, calming place or situation. During visualization, try to use as many senses as you can, including smell, sight, sound and touch. If you imagine relaxing at the ocean, for instance, think about such things as the smell of salt water, the sound of crashing waves and the warmth of the sun on your body. You may want to close your eyes, sit in a quiet spot and loosen any tight clothing.

The article goes on to suggest that it is important to practice these methods, because it takes practice to really get them down and actually lead to health benefits. Now, I'm not sure if I will actually meditate at work, I share an office with two other women, but I do plan to start trying some of this out.

Update

Before I close out today, I have some exciting news! Even though I barely worked out and ate, well, junk all week, I have actually lost 2 pounds since last weekend! This brings my total weight loss to 5 pounds since Christmas.

Making progress!

Today, I have crossed a milestone in this journey. For the first time in at least five months, I went to the gym. To better understand what this hurdle means, you should read an older post from my first time going to the gym when I used to update this blog in 2010.

I have deliberately chosen to put off going to the gym this time, and focus on healthy eating changes. The reason for this is, as you might know, the gym has never been something that I'm consistently good at. In fact, like so many, when defeat is staring me in the face I tend to just go with it, letting it wash over me like the pull of a strong undertow. At first I fight, I go once or twice. Then I have an excuse not to go, and then more and more pathetic excuses until finally I stop thinking of it altogether. I tell myself that I'm just not the kind of person who goes to the gym at all.

In order to make this lifestyle change work, I needed to succeed. That sounds strange, of course in order to succeed I have to succeed. But I have failed so many times that I need some easy wins. I needed to love slow progress, I needed to change my frame of mind altogether.

A few weeks ago, I woke up, I got dressed. I pulled on stretchy clothes and my worn down tennis shoes, poured ice cold water into my water bottle, grabbed my fully charged iPod. I was ready to work out. I wiggled around a bit to get the blood moving

and took off to the elevator. Once in the basement, I walked right up to the gym, looked in the window, and saw three people inside. After a moments hesitation, I turned and fled.

All I can say is, "at least I got dressed."

This time, I recognized that I already took a first step. I spent much of Friday thinking about the gym. I went over in my head what it would be like to go, how it would make me feel, how it would make my body feel. Then I thought about my reasons for not going. It occurred to me that in all my anxiety of what people would do or think, that I had never actually had a negative experience at the gym. Not once in my life (scratch that, not once outside of gym class) have I actually seen someone ridicule me, or give me a look that suggested such disdain and disgust at my presence in the gym. So what was I worried about?

And today there was an older man in the gym. I smiled at him on my way in, and at the end of my workout, when he was also finishing up, he actually spoke to me and was quite nice. He asked me what one of the machines was for, like I was the expert! It made me feel so good that I'm actually embarrassed that I've let my self consciousness hold me back so much. I'm still not making the gym part of my goals, but my hope is that I will go to the gym on weekends and work out at home when I get home from work at least 3 times a week.

Big news

Alright, this might not be that big of news, but while in the gym today I had a very fortunate opportunity to weigh myself. This is the first time I've weighed myself since Christmas, and I've lost 4 pounds! Just by drinking water, cutting out some fat and sweets, and adding more fruits and vegetables. I didn't actually do anything hard, there was no real challenge here.

This means that I am only 8 pounds from my "normal" weight. Again, this is not a goal, but I am hoping that if I start adding exercise to my lifestyle change that I can easily lose those 8 pounds by my birthday (one month from yesterday). Maybe I'll weigh myself next week and decide if I want to actually make this a goal.

ps-Do you realize how hard it is to find images of an average looking woman working out? I have decided to avoid promoting the stereotyped, perfect image of a woman, and only post alternative body type images. So, although I planned to post an exciting picture of women working out, the only image I'm satisfied with today is that of my favorite America's Next Top Model winner, Whitney.