Gym: Day One

I finally did it. I went to the gym. Every time I decide to start getting healthy I remind myself that going to the gym the first time is the hardest part, and then I just have to make it routine. My solution to this problem has therefore always been to just not go to the gym at all, thereby avoiding it altogether.

Now, I'm a big fan of lots of pictures in a blog, but I had a hard time capturing a gym experience without someone around to take my picture. So this is me right after getting home from the gym, looking all grungy and sweaty.

I'm not new to this working out thing, but I'm not an expert by any means. I go to the gym and I become overwhelmed with anxiety. When I go I am so sure that people there use me as a measure of who they don't want to be. I see these healthy, active people around me and I know that they look at me struggling and sweating and think to themselves, "good for her," and I hate that. I hate that my physical appearance is something that people have to feel sorry for.

I decided to go tonight because I hate exercising with other people, and it's the last day of our break so I assumed fewer people would be there. I get so freaked out about exercising around others that I've literally walked out on a workout because I see someone I know at the gym. When I'm by myself I feel confident and comfortable to go all in, try things I've never done before, and work harder than ever. When others are around me, all I want to do is run away.

So, today was good and bad. First, when I go to the gym I always use the elliptical. This is because of another issue that I don't think I've discussed on here much. I think most people who read this are aware that I have old pelvic fractures which keep me from things like laying on my side, sitting on hard surfaces, and running. I haven't been able to run in almost 6 years. When I want to exercise, I can't just pick up a pair of shoes and go jogging. I know it's been so long and I should be over this by now, but I went to the doctor about it maybe three years ago and he said that I still shouldn't be running. My question is if not now, then when? I've always hated running, but to be honest I miss having the option.

So, back to my point. I usually have to get off the elliptical after 5-10 minutes, which I know is pathetic, but I get so exhausted so quickly. But today I ran on it for 16 minutes! I don't entirely believe the calorie counter, but for those of you who do I burned 158 calories! I was really proud of myself. I also did 100 crunches. Crunches are also hard on me because of my pelvis. I need a soft surface to lay flat on, but I just try to power through.

Usually I lift weights at the gym. Today I didn't because too many people came in and I got scared and had to leave. This sucks because my arms are my least favorite part of my body, and I wish I didnt miss out on my opportunity to work on them. Oh well, there's always next time I suppose.

I'm planning on going to the gym the next two days as well. I leave for DC on Friday, so I don't think I'll be keeping up working out this weekend, but I am hopeful that by being away from temptations I'll be more likely to eat healthy and not indulge like I still have been.

Update:
I have barely stuck to my resolutions that I created, but that doesn't mean that I've given up hope. I'm drinking a bit more water and I'm more conscious of the bad things I'm doing, if that helps at all.

Also, I've been toying with the idea that I might force myself to try suggestions that people give me on here. If you want me to try something healthy and I don't have to pay for it (that's the trick-I'm poor), then I think I might just have to do it, so please make suggestions.