So, after jealously following the exciting adventures of my favorite professor's 52 new things, I've decided to follow her lead and take charge of my life. I thought about the thing I want most and the thing that I'm most scared to see fail in my life, and concluded that I would create a blog about my battle with my body. This blog will not be about weight loss alone. This will be about overcoming the emotional factors that have been greatly linked to the issues with my weight.
One thing that has been consistent with weight loss activity has been a fear of exposure. The idea of making public something as intimate as my self consciousness and fat roles is absolutely terrifying. I hope that by doing what I'm afraid of I will overcome that fear and be better off for having done so.
In the spirit of disclosure, I am attaching a picture of myself that I hate because it shows my least favorite part of my body in a horribly unflattering way. When this picture was taken over the summer I was getting back into eating American food and gaining weight quite rapidly. I'm holding my cousin's oldest child, Brandi, who loves me more than she's showing here I'm sure. We were at a family reunion and I had just eaten plenty of my favorite chips and pastas. yummm.
For this week, I've decided that I will not give myself any specific goals. I want to have a week of my real life to start this project out with. I'll see what my habits are and where I get caught up in what I do almost every day of my life-overindulge.
And that brings me to the title of this blog. My life seems to be a series of emotional barriers in which I compensate with overindulgence to keep myself happy. When life brings me down, there is nothing like a pint of ice cream or little debbie to bring me back up again. I rely on food to get me through hard times and I'm ready to overcome this in order to live a much healthier lifestyle.
Go Madison!!!
ReplyDeleteAlright Maddie, I am struggling with some of same issues. You have inspired me today. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Nicole. Go Madison! I've struggled with weight and my body self-image my whole life, and I think it's part of the cultural baggage of our cultural baggage as American women. I think food is part of the equation and fitness/feeling okay about using our bodies and moving them around is the other. Let me know if you want to incorporate any of the 52 New Things activities into your goals and plans!
ReplyDeleteVery, very, very brave, Madison. I know how difficult it must've been to expose yourself and your deepest insecurity and fears, and once again you have proven what courage and strength and beauty you have. I know you don't see it like I do, and your father does, Madi: but we sit and talk about your radiance, and intelligence, and humor. We talk about the light that comes into this house when you are here, and what a joy you are to be around. Weight loss and getting healthy will come to you, Madi. You will learn the correct philosophies and practices to follow, and you will make up your mind to lose the weight, for the smart reason, which is your health. The looking better part is just a bonus. :) I am absolutely sure of that. But, for now, Madi, realize that you are absolutely in-fucking-credible. Don't ever forget that. You are beautiful physically as well, no matter what size you are, but it is your soul, and your smarts, and your intelligence, your passion, and your compassion that truly makes you so gorgeous. We both love you more than you will ever know.
ReplyDelete...also, very well written!
Jennifer